Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
