so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
