Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
