he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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