last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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