I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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