Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize