I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
