he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
