Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
