I'd wear matching sweaters with you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
