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While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
