you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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