check it out our google latitudes are spooning
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
