I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
