woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
