So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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