She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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