My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
