Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
