good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
