Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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