I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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