I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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