You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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