Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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