Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
