Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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