Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
