"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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