I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
