How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
