It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
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