He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
