at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
