I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
