I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
