Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
