Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
