i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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