I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
