you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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