what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
