i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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