worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
