my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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