We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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