I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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