He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
