It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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