Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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