grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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