If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
