Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
