RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
