yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
