People in love make me want to vomit
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
