My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
