He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
