i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
