1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize