i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
