Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
