please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
