I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize