for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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