Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
