I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
