i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
