last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
