Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
