Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
okay pat passed out under dana's car
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we should paint friendship bongs
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