just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
