May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
