You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
