It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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