Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
