i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
