It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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