no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
