I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
