there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
