he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
