Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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