so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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